Green Tea Bliss

Last night I went to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Stupid Harry Potter being so cool, stupid Harry Potter movie making me want to see the other movies and read the books. GRRRR...

I'm just having problems writting this story right now, I've been working on it over the last two days and only have a word cound of 285. I know were I want to go with it (kinda) but I'm having a big problem with story flow. It can be a bitch but when this story is finished I will be well worth it. I can't wait.

Anime list behind here...

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Last night I went to the doctors, first of all the doctor was great and second of all she prescribed me on these pills called Effexor. I took my first one this morning and to be honest I feel a little spaced out but that's what it like whenever you take mood effecting pills for the first time. I know it's working because I can feel it behind my eyes. That sounds very weird but it's truthful. Whenever I'm down or anxious my eyes feel funny. They are making me feel a little tired or maybe it's relaxation. I'm not sure but I feel good.

X off the movie's you've seen. More than 70 and you're a maniac.

(x)Pirates of the Caribbean
(x)The Mexican
(x)Fight Club
( )Starsky and Hutch
(x)Neverending Story
( )Blazing Saddles
( )Garden State
( )The Princess Bride
( )Young Frankenstien
( )Anchor Man
(x)Napoleon Dynamite
(x)Saw
(x)White noise
( )White Oleander
( )Anger Management

total here : 7

(x)50 First Dates
(x)Jason vs Freddy
(x)Scream
(x)Scream 2
(x)Scream 3
(x)Scary Movie
(X)Scary Movie 2
( )Scary Movie 3
(x)American Pie
(x)American Pie 2
( )American Wedding
( )Harry Potter and the Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone
( )Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
( )Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
(x)Resident Evil I
(x)Resident Evil 2
(x)The Wedding Singer
(x)Little Black Book

total here : 13

( )The Village
(x)Donnie Darko
( )Lilo & Stitch
(x)Finding Nemo
( )Finding Neverland
(x)13 Ghosts
(x)Signs
( )The Grinch
(x)Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( )White Chicks
(x)Butterfly Effect
( )Thirteen going on 30
(x)I,Robot
( )Dodgeball
(x)Universal Soldier
( )A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x)Along Came A Spider
(x)Deep impact

total here : 10

(x) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
(x) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumb & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
(x) Final Destination 2
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x) The Ring 2
(x) Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
( ) Chicago
(x) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
(x) The Whole Ten Yards
(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
(x) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
(x) Bad Boys
(x) Bad Boys 2
(x) Joy Ride
(x) Seven
(x) Oceans Eleven
( ) Oceans Twelve
( ) Idenity

total here : 30


( ) Lone Star
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
(x) Independence day
(x) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
(x) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(x) ET
(x) Children of the Corn
( ) My boss' daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
( ) Frailty
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
(x) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks

total here : 12


(x) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) X-men 1
(x) X-Men 2
( ) Catch me if you can
(x) The Others
(x) Freaky Friday
(x) Reign of Fire
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Swimfan
( ) Miracle
(x) Old School
( ) Ray
(x) The Notebook
(x) K-pax

total here : 11

(x) Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(x) A walk to remember
(x) Boogeyman
( ) Hitch
(x) The Fifth Element
(x) Star Wars episode I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars episode II Attack of The Clones
(x) Star Wars episode III Revenge of The Sith
(x) Star Wars episode IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars episode VI Return of The Jedi...
( ) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
(x) Air Force One
( ) For Richer or Poorer
(x) People under the stairs
( ) Blue Velvet
( ) Sound of music
( ) Parent Trap
(x) The Burbs
(x) The Terminator
(x) Empire Records
( ) Meet Joe Black
(x) A Clockwork Orange
(x) The Order
(x) Spiderman
(x) Spiderman 2
(x) Amelie

total here : 22

(x) Mean Girls
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
(x) The Incredibles
(x) Collateral
(x) The Fast & The Furious
( ) 2 Fast 2 Furious
(x) Sky Captain Of The World Of Tomorrow
( ) Closer

total here : 7

(x) Titanic
(x) Saved
(x) Bowling For Columbine
(x) Farenheit 9/11
(x) The Sixth Sense
(x) Artificial intelligence (AI)
( ) Love actually
( ) Shutter
( ) Ella Enchanted
(x) Princess diaries 1
( ) Princess diaries 2
(x) Constantine
( ) Million Dollar Baby
( ) Envy
( ) Eurotrip
( ) Malibu's Most wanted
(x) Big Daddy
(x) Black Sheep
( ) The Breakfast Club
( ) West side story

total here : 10

(x) A Christmas Story
( ) spanglish
(x) Pulp Fiction
( ) sleepover
(x) The Evil Dead
(x) Killer Klowns From Outer Space
( ) The Seed of chucky
(x) Vanilla Sky
(x) Nightmare Before Christmas
(x) Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind-
(x) Interview With The Vampire
(x) The Crow
( ) Purple Rain
(x) Wayne's World

total here : 10

(x) Wayne's World 2
( ) 21 Grams
( ) Blow
(x) Edward Scissorhands
(x) Clerks
(x) Beauty and the Beast
(x) Guess who
( ) monster in-law
( ) elf
( ) stuart little
( ) stuart little 2
(x) Chasing Amy
(x) Dogma
(x) Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

total here : 8

(x) Beetlejuice
(x) The Last Samurai
(x) The Amityville Horror
( ) The Aviator
(x) Romeo and Juliet
( ) Barbershop
( ) Barbershop 2
( ) Beauty Shop
( ) legally blonde
( ) legally blonde 2
(x) the forgotten
( ) confessions of a teenage drama queen
(x) the grudge

total here : 6

My total total (what the hell?...total total?) is: 146 movies

My great mood drizzled away when the afternoon finally came. I am sad, agian. This can't keep happening. In fifteen minutes I go to the clinic, maybe the doctor can help.

Well, I have a bit of a story to tell.

Back in the day when I was working at inbound/outbound call centers I ended up having a minor nervous breakdown. In the long run I was off of work for one year under doctor's orders. The other night I began to feel symptoms creeping up on me agian and I know it's directly because of TeleTech.

TeleTech has a great working environment with people who really care but unfortunatly for me I can't handle the stress. This afternoon I went into work and told them that I needed to have my hours cut back to part-time so I could continue working for them.

I'm taking tomorrow off to look for a new job. Everyone cross your fingers for me!

In other news Mandi assisted me with making a school desidsion. I'm either going to Algonquin, Humber or Fanshaw for photography in September. I'll keep you updated on that.

Started to do a little more writing today. Looking online later tonight for writing classes. Have to go to work in about six minutes, looking forward to it because I am finally out of training. Haven't been roleplaying for the last two weeks, kinda down because of that but I have a lot more time to think of other things.

Earlier today I was sitting down writing out a "35 day personal challange" then it dawned on me, if I can kick a nasty drug habit why can't I kick all my bad habits and get life to were I want it. It's easy to do but I just have to want to do it and finally I am.

So I asked Mandi today were she would like to move when her program is up. It may not be Halifax but the choice is up to her.

Times Up, go to work Brian.

As you probably already know last night I asked Mandi to marry me. She said yes which is a good thing...that's all the updating I have.

I'm so depressed right now, I just want to crawl into bed and never come out.

Why must it be so hard for me to make a carrer decidion? Everyone else I know has made this choice...but I just don't know what I want to do! I'm such a fucktard...why must I be so fucking stupid...why can't I make just stick with something. I looked to God for help, prayed my heart out and alas nothing. All I fucking asked for was just one little sign, one little push into the right direction but nothing...that's all I am...just one big fucking nothing. Somedays I would be better off dead. This is what I get for having faith but I can't turn my back on it because I've had too many fucking experiences with the "higher power" to deny it's existance. Ignorance is bliss. What we don't know won't hurt us but in my case it is because the rules don't fucking apply to my life. I don't know what kind of carrer I want and I'm twenty fucking two. This is bullshit. Why wasn't someone there for me when I was throwing my life away? Why was it that I was the only one helping others but when I needed the help it wasn't avaliable because everyone else was having a grand ol' time without me.

Today I watched a short film called "Cycle". In one scene a man slits his wrists in the bathtub. I didn't see him though, I saw myself. This is the first suicidal thought I've had since I've moved from Chatham. The only thing that keeps me from doing it is Mandi. She is everything to me and I wouldn't be able to survive one single day without her. Kinda harsh knowing that I depend on someone so much to keep me from harming myself.

All I need is direction, that's all I ever needed but NOBODY CARED. Why? Why do I have so many emotions running through me? Why is life like this? Why do I love someone else when I can't even love myself? Why do I eat when I'm piss at my body? Why do I let others step on me to get to the top? Why? Why? Why? WHY?!

Can somebody help me. I'm begging somebody to help, anybody. Tony Robbins couldn't get my life on track, I can't get it on track but I'm ready for help. I'm ready...don't leave me out in the cold...I don't want to hate myself anymore. Help.

I seen your profile on bangme.net and read it. I found out you are so much like me...I'm not trying to sound mean but now when I look at myself in the mirror I will never be able to take myself seriously. *sigh*...I feel more emo then ever. Where is my black sweater, where are my bloody wrists and when oh when can I flip my hair.

Check it out!

http://www.compfused.com/directlink/983/

P.S. If flexible people freak you out then I wouldn't watch it.

Have you ever decided something with the flip of a coin?

I have a great story to tell (at least in my eyes) and I wasn't sure if it should be a screenplay or a stage play. I flipped a coin...stage play it is. Yet again the cosmic forces are guiding me.

P.S. I need a new icon...something that symbolizes me.

I started to work on a stageplay today but I just couldn't get anything out on paper so I said "Fuck it!" and started to type out a screenplay. All I have is a title but things are running very smooth. It seems to be writing itself. I hope to have the first 1000 words done before work.

P.S. The title is called Euthanasia, it's a love story...kinda.

Jimmy Stewart You scored 21% Tough, 14% Roguish, 42% Friendly, and 23% Charming!

You are the fun and friendly boy next door, the classic nice guy who still manages to get the girl most of the time. You're every nice girl's dreamboat, open and kind, nutty and charming, even a little mischievous at times, but always a real stand up guy. You're dependable and forthright, and women are drawn to your reliability, even as they're dazzled by your sense of adventure and fun. You try to be tough when you need to be, and will gladly stand up for any damsel in distress, but you'd rather catch a girl with a little bit of flair. Your leading ladies include Jean Arthur and Donna Reed, those sweet girl-next-door types. Find out what kind of classic dame you'd make by taking the Classic Dames Test.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 34% on Tough You scored higher than 45% on Roguish You scored higher than 70% on Friendly You scored higher than 38% on Charming

Link: The Classic Leading Man Test written by gidgetgoes on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

I just needed to place this somewhere because it was an important letter that I wrote.

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I'm not going to pull any punches on this one period and I really don't care who ends up reading this because my feeling are rather obvious.

One of my roommates has a boyfriend named James and in my eyes this "boy" isn't worth the flesh that his printed on. I am going to place all of the experiences outside of "hey how's it going?" that I've had with him.

First of all way back in the day five of us were suppose to be in our lease for the apartment. We all signed contracts stating that we would pay so much ever month for rent each month, a portion of the utilities, etc. Over the course of the summer his girlfriend (one roommate) and himself had a falling out. From what I heard he was the antagonist for that one. He told her one morning "I don't want to be with you anymore because I'm moving out west after my year is done at school and all you will do is hold me back. I'm can't live with you anymore so I'm going to find my own apartment, by the way I won't be able to pay into the lease agreements because I need that money to live on my own." So after talking it over with Mandi, Megan and I we decided that it would be alright if he left the agreement as long as he wasn't going to be here. That was strike one against him. If you have an agreement with someone and just you have a falling out with that person you still need to hold up to your part of the bargain because that is your word. In the end your word is all you have. He proved to be unreliable.

The second experience that I've had with him was when we first moved in. I found it strange that he was here ALL THE TIME. I don't mean just once and a while but all the FUCKING TIME. It was like he was living here and he told us all that he wouldn't be. He would make messes and expect everyone else to clean up. Even after we told him that he was suppose to be a guest and not a roommate it still continues. This is when I lost all respect for him.

Experience number three. Around Halloween all my roommates went out with their boyfriends to a bar called "The Wall". I wasn't there but I was home when everyone came back. I found out that he was doing a little more then flirting with other girls in front of his girlfriend. This doesn't float well with me at all because if you tell someone you love them, trying to get into the pants of another person is something you don't do. Love is such a powerful thing, it's sacred, it's the one thing that makes the world a better place and how dare he taint most treasured emotion. Love is something that you just don't toss around. You can love a friend, you can love a dog but you can either like your partner or Love them. Nothing is in between. The only way that Love can exist between more then one person is in a family like environment or if both partners agree to a polyamorous relationship. My dislike for James started here.

Just a couple of days after this he made up with his girlfriend and everything was good between them. I like Krystal (spelling mistake, I know) because at heart she is a good person. She always tries to do the right thing and I admire that. She trusted him once more and then we starting hearing that he was "visiting" his ex-girlfriend. Now it's none of my business and I'm not sure were it went but LYING to your partner is just plain wrong. Cheating is even worse. If you don't want to be with that person then just break up with them. Sure some people might be saying "but I don't want to leave because I love that person. Something is just missing". If something is missing then fix it! If you think that it's hopeless then leave. Sure emotions will get hurt, people will cry but just please. Don't prolong the inevitable. Cheating is not good in my books at all. This is when his word, his being, the little chance for redemption disappeared. This "boy" is not to be trusted because he rides on the gullibility of others.

The least someone could do if they are living but not living at your house is have a little consideration for those that pay rent. No, I couldn't even have that. I get home from work between 12:30 to 1:00 in the morning everynight. I don't have to be to work until 4:30 in the afternoon so I would like to get a little sleep. It doesn't happen. I feel asleep at about 2 this morning and was woken up by the alarm at 7:15 because Mandi had to go to school. That's fine because she is quite and was letting me fall back to sleep. Well, just as I was about to drift back off into dreamland (which for anyone who knows me is quite a feat in itself) the television starts to play. Not at a low level either but very loudly. If it wasn't for the wall between my head and the television speaker I would be touching it. That broke the last straw. I yelled "Fuck, he has to get a God damn life". I'm sure most of the house heard me. I know he did because when he came to the door and tried to play the "I'm sorry, insert random excuse here" card. I snapped and said "It's fucking alright". He took off rather quick because I never get that mad with anyone.

The only positive thing I can think ever happened between us was when he offered me a beer. Yep, that's it. I've been offered drinks by total strangers so that means nothing.

This rant is almost over. To finish up I would like to say a few things:

Mandi, I love you so much and you are the greatest girlfriend.

Megan(spelling mistake once again), thank you for being quite and understanding. Even though I don't know you that well I will always be here to help you.

Jeff, you are a great guy and I don't care if you are at our house because you are part of our community. One of our "family". Thanks for being just who you are.

Krystal, you are a good person at heart and it shines through. You are caring, kind and a friendly individual. If you ever need anything just let me know. I won't be angry with you. I just hope that you see that James is playing you for a fool. If he is going to leave at the end of the year and you are looking for something long term get rid of him. You may Love him but I doubt that the feeling is mutual. It maybe hard but you can do so much better...that's for sure. I'm positive that things will work out for you in life because you are too sweet to have things go wrong.

James, you are not my roommate, you are not part of my "family", you are the only person that I have ever felt this strongly against because you act like a man but you have so much to learn about being one. I'm hope that someday you find out who you are but I'm just going to try to give you some advise. Everything you do, every lie you tell, every promise you break it will come back to haunt you. I'm not speaking out of my ass but from experience. I hate myself for hating you because I want to be the change that I want to happen in the world. I want universal love but if I hold on to my hate for you I'm being a hypocrite. I want to include you into my "family" but I have to respect you first. You may not care at all about what I think and that's fine. I just hope someday I can come to grips with my feelings for you and understand who you are. I would give you the shirt off my back if you need it because that is the type of person I am but if I find out you are playing me for a fool I won't take back my shirt but also your flesh. I will show you what suffering really is.

Had my first night of "real" work last night. I was so nervous at first but after I got on the phones I wondered why. Most of the calls that came in were from people who didn't understand what was going on. I think I'm going to enjoy working at TeleTech.

This morning I guess we had our first snow fall. When I finally got out of bed I didn't see anything outside but it gives me a reason to wear my old man coat today...if it's that cold out.

I have to jump into the shower soon and go down to the Capitol Center. I called there yesterday about voluteering and they want me to fill out some paperwork. Here's to a good day! Cheers!

Today is finally the day. I have to start taking phone calls at work no matter what. I was ready to do it yesterday but my supervisor came up everyone in the group and told us NOT TO TAKE PHONE CALLS! I was more then a little upset but it's all good.

Yesterday was a rather slow day for me because I don't feel like I got anything accomplished. I sat on the internet until I had to go to work which is a bad habit for me. Today will be better because I'm starting to follow the "rules" that I set out for myself.

Example, this morning when I woke up the first thing I did was 45 minutes of yoga. The full exercise that I did was only 20 minutes long but I remembered if I want to go anywhere with my life I had to do at least another 20 minutes. When I had to go to work for 9:00am I would complain about how I didn't have enough time to do yoga in the morning. Well, now I have to do it because I don't start work until 4:30pm.

Sorry but I'm just tired of writing...this is really going nowhere.

My life if you were to catagorize it.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.7
Mind:	6.3
Body:	6.3
Spirit:	5.5
Friends/Family:	4.4
Love:	6.9
Finance:	6.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz